Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Trailer Park Vampires–Moving Day


   Moving day has finally arrived and the Raleighs are packed up and ready to start over in Croaksdale. The trailer is hitched and loaded, so off they go. Then the unthinkable happens. About 15 miles outside of town, the truck jackknifes, and the trailer is lost.


“Oh, naw!” groaned Hankina, “what else can go wrong? What are we gonna do now?” Zeke, who was in possum form chattered rapidly. Hankina shakes her head and growls back at Zeke“Hell, no! We are not living in some damned ol’ tree. I need a roof over my head, indoor plumbing, and electricity for my blow dryer and hot rollers.“

Grunt grunted. Roleks starts singing Coal Miner’s Daughter. Not knowing what else to do, Hankina calls their new landlord, Mitzi Petunia Thomas.

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Mitzi was a fine charitable young southern girl, who inherited the trailer park from her recently deceased and much older husband Leroy Fontaine Middleton III. “ Well, ya’ll poor thangs” she drawled “Why I’m sure I can find an empty trailer you all could rent. It would mean an increase in the lot payments, of course, but we shouldn’t be discussing such crass matters now. When you all are just homeless and all.”  So with little choice, Hankina accepts the offer, climbs on Zeke’s back, and off they go to their new home. 

When they finally arrive, they knock on the door of Mitzi’s handsome, park manager, Rug Ticker.

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He’s been told to expect them and shows them right to there new home. Hankina, who is awed by the landscaped lots and paved drives gasps “Lord have mercy! They all have underpinning. Why there’s no way we can afford this!”

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Rug leered at Roleks. “Oh, I think we’ll be able to work things out. Mitzi’s real good about bartering things like that. Now why don’t I show ya’ll inside so ya’ll can get settled. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

After showing them inside their new luxurious home, Rug bid them good bye and left. Hankina gawks at their new home “Boys, I think our luck is finally turning looks like we’ve made it to the Promised Land.”

Zeke who had shifted into human form, spits out the side of his mouth and says” I reckon you might be right about that.”, then he smacks Grunt upside the back of his head. “Boy, don’t you go messing this up for us, ya hear. I saw a wood chipper two trailers back, so you best behave.” Grunt grunted. “Uhn”

Roleks is still staring at the door from where Rug left.  “He sure was pretty. Did you see all that hair? I bet he uses that Pantene conditioner on it. Wish my hair would lay like that”

Hankina just shakes her head. This was her new start. She would whip these misfits into shape or die trying, and if she died, she was taking em all with her.

Come back next Wedensday for the next installment when the Raleighs get settled in.

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